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New Phuket Wikipedia Entries – Economic Slowdown In

Category: , Posted:10 Jan 2009 | 12:00 pm

As we move into 2009 the world's becoming an even scarier, goofy and baffling place for property pundits young and old. As a property consultant and developer myself, its easy to get caught up in an endless cycle of doom and gloom so I've decided to tickle the ribs a bit and believe its better to laugh then cry into our respective beers. In the age of Wikipedia and high powered acronyms and terminology for international finance I'd like to take a moment to explain some of the more widely used and often cryptic phases that have become so commonplace in our daily lives.
HISP. Average number of hours per day spent surfing the internet by bored real estate sales staff that have absolutely no walk in clients, calls, emails or contact with the outside world. Also refer to KCBRES.
BFF. Best friends forever or the last words said between property and hospitality staff being downsized in the current economic turndown. Not to be confused with BS (please see separate entry)
UPSIDE. Common term often used in conjunction with the phase 'capital appreciation' and has now gone the way of that unused language of the past 'Latin'. Might stage a comeback as on the Celebrity Apprentice or else host a reality TV show on the E Channel.
TRAC. Short for 'The Russians are Coming'and something akin to the return of Jesus Christ. Widely believed to be the last great white hope as an emerging basket of nouveau rich yahoo's carrying briefcases of money, purchasing million dollar villas at the drop of a pin and partying like its 1985. Last sighted at the departure lounge in Survanhabhumi muttering comments about the downfall of a lawless society.
TOYOTA. Japanese automobile manufacturer and one of world largest industrial giants who in 2008 recorded only their second year of losses in its starred history. Industry analysts have pointed to the rapid decline in niche market Phuket's Vios and Fortuner sales as somehow triggering the global downturn.
VIOS. The first car choice of the newly enriched real estate sales personnel once they have received their first commission checks, thus making the leap from motorcycles into 4 wheels and entering the Thai credit stream.
FORTUNER. Tugboat sized SUV most often a prelude to new arrivals lured into 'living the dream' in Phuket with either a villa, townhouse or condo purchase to follow.
KCBRES. The defunct political ideology wing of the Latvians for Transgender Unification. Also stands for kilowatt hours consumed by bored real estate staff surfing the internet, Yahoo and MSN messaging and sleeping at their desks in air-conditioned offices. Current estimates are that convert the daily load factor on a larger scale could equal the entire electrical consumption of the African nation Sierra Leone.
365. Days left until 2010 when they say things will be better. Or not.
PETRO DOLLARS. A phenomenon of overseas investment in Thailand's property market by Middle Eastern oil rich sheiks bolstered by the illusion that oil was set to reach US$200 a barrel and concept that Dubai was more invincible then Batman, Spiderman and Shrek all rolling into one. Sighted on an AirAsia flight out of the country as oil prices dropped under US$40 a barrel.
ELVIS. The King of Rock and Roll. Has no relevance whatsoever to this article and as far as we know is still dead and buried at Graceland.
MADE OFF. Commonly used nick name for Bernard Manoff who's financial demise triggered a UU$50 billion dollar investment fund subsequently vaporized into thin air. Bernard is currently working on The Dummy's Guide to Small Business Accounting and is thought to be shopping his life story titled "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying."
BS. If I have to explain this one then we are in deeper then anyone ever imagined.
REALICIDE. Not unlike suicide but by a real estate developer, agent or disappointed investor who's internet has been shut off for non payment, Fortuner has run out of petrol and has now been turned into a house for a family of 14 Burmese laborers along with their pet water buffalo named boo. Most common method would be taking to Phuket's road on a motorcycle without a helmet, lights and speaking into two mobile phone handsets (even though they aren't working) in the pouring rain.
MONEY. A strange and widely used payment instrument in exchange for goods or services, once coveting by many in the property industry and now on the edge of extinction. Small sanctuary's have been set up in remote outposts across many nations hoping to breed a larger growing population though the use of hedge funds, exotic investment instruments and complicated interconnected stocks. Woops that's where we came…
To sum the current state of affairs, in the words of the departed Rodney Dangerfield "don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive." There is no doubt a global hailstorm but certainly few places better to be then this lovely island.

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